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Movie cliches - A New Year's Resolution

209.179.140.101

Posted by Bambi B on December 29, 2003 at 14:34:46

Mates,

Having made the mistake of trying HBO/Showtime/Etc., I end up seeing a lot of movies that I would never bother with if I had to take any kind of action to do so- like renting a DVD or paying.

That and having friends in the biz exposes me to many things I would never know about- and unfortunately also the constant cliche syndrome. I see the same techniques and sequences so many times, I am close to over stimulation and now want to only sit down and listen to 2 channel sound.

My New Year's resolution is to avoid any movies in the future that contain any part of:

1. A young man or older boy aquires special powers- by training, a robot, angels, or aliens. Things are going to be different now!

1A. This person is always a nerd with glasses and outsider. Someone I'd usually good with computers.

1B. This person is "chosen" from all humanity for no particular reason- perhaps sometimes for skill at video games.

1C. When nerds are made hip- it always reads as idiotic. "Hackers"

1D. The nerd gets notices by the most desirable person in the hight school.

2. A person acquires special powers and/or skills and immediately beats up the bully that has tormented him for years. I usually start to cheer for the bully in these cases. This has been done thousands of times. "Spiderman" is a recent one. Nerds are often shown getting revenfge on the football team.

3. Some guy comes into town just when the town needs someone to save it. After "Seven Samurai" all use of this are stupidly pale repeats.

4. The "relunctant" criminal. Do we realize how often the plot line of a criminal being "forced" into "one last" hiest is used? Called out of retirement, coerced, a final big haul. This is to create sympathy for the thief, but this "unwilling" robber still does the illegal thing.

5. Sequels in which all the memorable scenes with any catch-phrases or slightly memorable scenes are expanded into larger sequences or whole movies. I have to say the second Harry Potter's Chamber of Secrets- which I call "Harry's Chamber Pot of Sucrets", is the worst shite in this regard I've ever seen half of. "The Klumps" taking the dnner scene in "Nutty" and adds more farting.

6. "Preparation movies". I"m just sick of movies in which the first 80% is the preparation/training for the task and the last 20% is the event almost as an afterthought. This can be good, but overdone. "

7. The rebellious member of a force: The cop that always gets into trouble by doing his job "too well". The Lt. has to always hand over his badge and gun- reinstate him for a heinous job that the governor and the newspapers want solved by any means necessary. Or, The pilot that wants to teach the enemy of the month (dtermined by Tom Clancy) a lesson - his own way. These are glamourous loners that can't fit into a disciplined, hierachical force- just bursting with resourceful energy. The "Die Hard" series.

8. Love: The situation in which a person is brought into a company to organize it- the old worker hates this new person, but they fall in love in Act 3.

9. The most important women character will always have the largest breasts of any woman- with a speaking role. There can be decorative extras with larger breasts- but silent.

10. Musicals: I have never been able to tolerate musicals almost at all- perhaps Wizard of O." and "Singing in the R" every ten years. The rest are too generally annoying for words.

11. Angels or ghosts come back to advise the living, show the true meaning and value of life. I'm sick to death of it. It was a good one orginally, but aren't "Canterville Ghost" and "Ghost and Mrs. Muir" already 400 years old?

12. Stupid internal logic: I thought "Starship Troopers" was a parody of sc fi- look at the idiotic means of fighting the giant "bugs"- by standing in one place a few feet away with a rifle. Two WWII tanks and a P-51 could have destroyed the lot of them in 5 minutes. There is a lot of choices shown in film that people would never make, but are done to make the story progress. I liked "Hunt for Red October" but the super secret silent drive of the $2billion submarine is detected by the US sonar man in the first 8 minutes of it's operation- so much for any Soviet technological threat. "Fantastic Voyage"- the elaborate miniaturization process disregards the fact that the mass of the ship would stay constant though microscopic, plus what happened to the 60 gallons of miniaturized fluid injected that would also enlarge to full size at the end of the hour? Why wasn't there any training for this mission? As in the sapce programme, the ship and tools would have to be designed by the future users. You see what I mean.

So, for 2004 I intend to avoid the above at first sight. Where's that copy of "The Idiot" I was reading?

And, I've hardly started. Any other additions to the hall of shame?

Cheers,

Bambi B

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