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Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned!

It was close to midnight, and they had LOTR on cable.

So I decided to watch a bit more of it.

It started with a battle scene, where some animal-looking "people" riding wild boars-like "horses" attacked what appeared to be "good guys".

Well, kaka. To think that forty some years ago Bondarchuk filmed the cavalry melee that looked so much more interesting than this... with the meager technology of that period, but with brain and eye.

Yeah, I know, I know, this was supposed to be a fantasy. Big deal. Fantasy is not about looking like dreck, it is about something else... my mama told me.

Then there were those big walking trees. OK, I say, not too awful for some five year olds.

As apparently a big battle was brewing, I stuck around, as I am a sucker for that sort of stuff.

There was some menacing beauty in the huge animal army on the march... with its long pikes, but... he-he... it was just too reminiscent of Alexander Nevsky, sorry. But as I said, there was something there, so I shall give the credit where it is due.

But the battle was a disaster. I liked the walk-in friends appearance, the apparent hermaphrodites force with long bows... sorry, boys, I am not familiar with the proper lingo required for this film, and frankly, don't give a shit. But that scene had something going, at least. Brief, it was, and substantially underutilized later on... parhaps the director was not even aware of what he has created there, else he would not had squandered that pitifylly small capital.

The battle scene was simply too silly. I wish the movie creators had at least some familiarity with the fortification warfare - there are books, you know. While they kinda got some aspects close to right, I kept wondering what happened to the old defender's mainstay weapons of boulders and burning oil and tar? It seems a few pots of that stuff would had taken care of the battering ram crew in no time at all, and without all the fancy jumps and idoots trying to hold the door against the ram... funny it was, like a bug arguing with a windshield. Guess who won.

Next time stack on some oil, you idiots.

Needless to say, it was boring. Effects were attrocious. Action dumb. Then out of nowhere a white guy appeared. He looked to me just as the guy who sent the animal force (pardon my cursory famiiarity with those deep characters), so I started wondering why would he suddenly switch sides, and now fight his own army... I suppose he just looked like one, but was a completely different guy... well, two nearly identically looking white haired guys is just too much for this movie goer. Overload.

Anyway, it was all over shortly, and I kept wondering where my copy of Waterloo was, as afer all that dreck one needs a good doze of fresh air, so to speak... something that makes some sense, something that doesn't stink.




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    Topic - Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Victor Khomenko 10:27:00 06/27/05 (101)
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