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I think you may have missed a couple of important things.

Posted by sjb on January 30, 2009 at 12:40:29:
First, the movie starts with them having an argument after the awful play she was in.

Clearly it was something they did constantly... that they both had habitual roles while fighting (he thinks she's crazy she thinks he's a pussy). The first thing we're told about their marriage is that it's filled with tension and discontent and that those things have been going on for a while.

So, soon into the film their relationship is on the ropes. They basically pull it together (on the surface, another habit) and then she has her idea to go to Paris. She's not kidding when she says she thinks it's their one chance. He agrees, they're happy.

He reneges and by doing so he's destroyed her hope... her chance... and her desire to see him as someone with courage (that's what made her brewing rage erupt)... and she gets back at him with the most hurtful thing she can think of. I never loved you... in fact I hate you. This wasn't the SHOCK of the story or some revelation... it was part of an argument, the escalation of an argument (a long serious one that's finally come to a head).

When he admitted to the affair she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of being hurt or desperate so she clung to the I hate you thing (and she may well have at that moment).

I'm not claiming she's an angel and he's a demon and there was no reason they couldn't "live" in the life they had... except for their density and attachment to the idea that it wasn't possible.

They were both messed up - he was emasculated and she was... I don't know what but she was a real handful - but in general she was definitely more attached to this idea of "living". He was more fearful... fearful that if they did that he'd find out that he wasn't particularly special or interesting.

Anyway... not saying the film was amazing or anything (thought I liked it very much) just that understanding the motivations for the behaviors in the film wasn't that difficult.

"The man is only half himself, the other half is his expression." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson