Films/DVD Asylum

Posted by clarkjohnsen (R) on March 06, 2003 at 12:58:32

Duncan Shepherd, San Diego Reader

Yo. Cradle 2 the Grave serves up another indigestible mix of martial arts and hip-hop, the special niche that cinematographer-turned-director Andrzej Bartkowiak has carved out 4 himself. (In exactly what way, except of course 4 money and power, is it better 2 be the director of Romeo Must Die and Exit Wounds than 2 be the photographer of The Verdict, Terms of Endearment, Prizzi's Honor, Guilty As Sin, Thirteen Days, etc.?) This 1 brings 2gether Jet Li and DMX -- 2 stars, 8 letters, a space-saver on any marquee -- as a "kung-fu James Bond" from Taiwan and a high-tech jewel thief from the Hood, respectively, who join forces 2 recover a twice-stolen sack of black diamonds and the latter's kidnapped 8-year-old daughter. The plot in 1 line: "I want the stones. You want your daughter. We can help each other." Or still pithier: East meets West, Twinkle Toes meets Mean Streets. Sort of a Rush Hour with a scowl.

2 be sure, the diamonds are not just stones, but are transmutable in2 weapons-grade plutonium: "In the world of weaponry, nukes rule." (The 007 analogy turns out 2 be all 2 true.) 4 most of the way, Jet Li takes a back seat 2 DMX, a Gary Payton look-alike with a nonprofessional lisp, a necklace, an earring, and a tat2 or 3. We must sit tight awhile longer 4 a movie al2gether worthy of Jet Li's deadly deadpan. The big action scene, achieving bigness by simple addition as well as inflation, cross-cuts between Jet (as I like 2 call him 4 short) in a 1-against-many, hand-2-hand free-4-all with the contestants in an illicit Tough Man com- petition, and D (or DM) in a simultaneous high-speed chase on an all- terrain vehicle, very much off-road and up staircases, down hallways, across rooftops, in mid-air, and at least 2 times through pl8-glass windows in slow-motion. 2 much, man, 2 fucking much. Tom Arnold and Anthony Anderson, as in Exit Wounds, supply comic relief, or anyway they relieve 1 kind of inanity with another kind of inanity, including a "self-reflexive" rap throughout the closing credits in which they 4see the 4going action being made in2 a movie 2 be directed by "that Polack" who made Exit Wounds. Just 2 much. And think of it: if D (or DM) can make good on his vow 2 get his shit 2gether, it could pave the way 2 a sequel, Cradle 2 the Grave 2. The songtrack, needless 2 add, will remind no 1 of Cole Porter: "Go 2 sleep, bitch! Die muthuhfuckah! Ah! Ah! Ah!" I'm not totally down with it, Homes. I'm more like down on it and about it and possibly under it