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58.169.12.136
Hi chaps
Just as the noughties was a bumper decade for great flicks, it also churned out a vast number of stinkers.
Here's my top ten (in order of crapness). Note that I have only listed movies I've actually seen. It goes without saying that any movie featuring Jim Carrey, Will Farrell, Sandra Bullock, Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller or Owen Couldn't-Even-Top-Himself-Properly Wilson is going to suck beyond belief, so I can't list any of their movies as I've avoided them like the plague.
1. Gerry - A shit sandwich (without the bread).
2. I'm Not There - A celluloid form of masturbation.
3. The Wicker Man (remake) - Worse than a case of terminal hemorrhoids.
4. I Robot - I can just imagine the production team storyboarding this one: "Hmmm, we need an ending. I know, let's just recycle the crap-arse ending from Independence Day".
5. Evolution - Made by 8 year olds, for 8 year olds. Bilge
6. Immortal - A movie that sets new standards by having no plot.
7. Star Wars II Attack of the Clones - I have to admit I could only watch half of this as it was so bad. You'd think with the vast production budget they could have hired at least one actor who could actually act.
8. Serenity/Firefly - Yeah, a 13 year old girl despatching grown men with Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the head. Nauseatingly goody-two-shoes crap.
9. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (remake) - Why Oh God Why?
10. Flight Plan - Anyone who couldn't guess the outcome of this movie within the first 12 seconds has had a frontal lobotomy.
Just missed the list: 10,000BC, Paul Blart Mall Cop, Stepford Wives and GI Joe. I never saw any of these, but the trailers looked so bad I thought I could safely include them.
Cheers. Doug
Follow Ups:
I liked Serenity quite a bit and thought Immortal and I Robot were OK
different strokes...
thanks
Phil
and to a lesser extent 300. See the connection between the subject matter/genre in these two movies? That's why I got sucked in...
Like most people, I try to avoid bad movies so haven't seen that many. Pre-noughties my list is longer, my avoidance skills are much more refined now.
When a trailer has ALL the best parts of a movie, and some that aren't even in the movie (!!), then in my book it's automatically a bad movie. This is only useful in retrospect of course. Why spend 2 hours when 2 minutes more than covers it?
.
Share a bowl of grits with someone you love tonight.
I hated them both and also think "ALEXANDER" the worst.
They can take
PEARL HARBOR
300
FLY BOYS
ALEXANDER
QUANTUM OF SOLACE
ATTACK OF THE CLONES
and most of the rest of the movies listed in this thread
and stuff them down a rat hole. Maybe Mr. Garbage-Eating Rodent would enjoy them.
N/T
“ Once this was all Black Plasma and Imagination. ” -Michael McClure
You and Me and Everyone we Know (boring and pointless)
The Salton Sea (You know you're in trouble when the opening scene has a guy playing a trumpet in a burning building)
Time Code (I want my 74 minutes back)
Hotel (The appearnace of Malkavic and Schwimmer withing the first 5 minutes was definitely a red flag. Partially my fault for giving Mike Figgis another chance)
I'm Not There (As noted a real POS)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (I saw this with my niece and nephew. We took turns sleeping through this one)
Ask the Dust (Visually interesting for five minutes, and then a predictable, hoary old tale)
The Science of Sleep (Proof that music video concepts can't be stretched into a full length feature)
bleep
.
I saw it at a charity screening and on the way out I heard someone say "it must have been horrible to live through that".
I couldn't stop myself asking if he meant the battle or the film...
;-)
.
Share a bowl of grits with someone you love tonight.
Oh man that did suck...and such a good cast!
Baba-Booey to you all!
Ya know,
Run Lola Run got a crapload of good buzz here at the ol Film Forum.
So I saw it. About halfway through, I wanted to shoot the boyfriend as
a service to humanity. I mention it from time to time hoping one of the
idiots that said good things about it would fess up about f***ing up.
Yeah, never happen.
There are always so many bad movies coming out, who can keep track?
The ones you remember are the ones that really get under your skin.
Like Event Horizon. It kept building towards a definitive climax. Which
turned out to be cheesy, disgusting and underwhelming in equal measure.
There there's Battlefield Earth... which falls under the What Was He Thinking category.
A seasonal pick... I used to like Nicolas Cage movies, and Tea Leoni
is easy on the eyes. So I thought Family Man would be an innocous Xmas movie. Wrong, wrong, wrong. A dozen Nicholas Cages could not have saved that cynical ripoff.
Oh, Sam Neill, WHY did you star in this turkey...sigh. You must have needed a boatload of capital improvements for the vineyard.
.
Share a bowl of grits with someone you love tonight.
as a thriller.
Several principals went on to stardom (in Europe).
Twykver hasn't had as good a film since, sadly.
...didn't mind the animation either as it added a fantasty component that made me think that the story is all about time, and moments between life's "storyboard" and what manifests.Innovative? I think so.
Philosophical about the consequence of actions amid the interplay of coincidences? Absolutely!
Edits: 12/20/09
.
.
Share a bowl of grits with someone you love tonight.
Yes!
...premiered in my town I was in line at 2am for the show - it was a let down at that time.
Years later, I just saw the DVD. Big surprise: they finished it - re edits, more story, more "plot". MUCH better now and jives with the whole series a lot better.
Perhaps if you saw the improved DVD version you might agree that a seeming clunker can be turned into a swan when a film is not rushed to release.
The worst POS to ever be committed to celluloid. It was even worse than The Happening..at least that had some imaginative death scenes.
Baba-Booey to you all!
How could so many good actors commit to such a script?
Share a bowl of grits with someone you love tonight.
a lot.
"The man is only half himself, the other half is his expression." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
d
.
Share a bowl of grits with someone you love tonight.
...I try to avoid them.
If somehow a crappy movie cannot be avoided, then I try to banish them from my mind, like I never saw them. POOF! Gone.
So it's hard for me to make this list.
A couple I got stuck seeing through no volition of my own and still remember that I suffered through them:
Van Helsing
Attack of The Clones
But I liked Firefly.
So there.
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