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The "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" has to be the most boring movie I have seen in public (and all the way through) since Coster's "Time in a Bottle". The first hour was a non-event, leaving the audience waiting for something to happen. Very little happens in the second hour as well. Aside from a very mildly amusing moment by accident, the movie offers absolutely nothing, nada, zilch.
Spoiler alert:
The great culmination of this ill conceived prequel is that the apes escape and run into the woods. That's it! Seriously. That's how it all started. Wow.
Follow Ups:
a explosion-a-minute thrill-a-thon. It is a thoughtful film that takes its time to develop the characters, making the apes into individuals, not 1-dimensional FX caricatures. I was very pleasantly surprised.
I found Apes absorbing from the get go. My least favorite part was when the action started, i.e., the battle on the bridge. I think Splice might be right up yer alley, but, it's highly disturbing.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
What about the earth flick...did you go the see alternate universe? Saw the preview here last week but that don't mean shite in Possum Holler.
No explanation necessary, the title says it all. Touching. S/B mandatory viewng for fathers to be.
I guess there's been other good films done up there too.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
pretty mass market movie oriented. Not that they can't appreciate artsy fartsy films. And they liked, not loved, it. Which means it prolly pretty good. I might bring the old lady tomorrow.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
Yer right, it needs a disclaimer for "eeewness".
It's a Canuk film on a short budget so I wasn't going to be impressed no matta wot.
+1
-Wendell
Maybe knowing the original would have helped.
So, your take is that the movie was about some apes that escape something and go to the woods?
It's science fact, by the way.
Eno, you ignorant slut. I saw the original in the theater when it was released. Don't tell you you liked this pos, stupid movie and thought it was profound? We're all amused with different forms of "art."
Your boy Obama has really screwed things up. On my blog post about his phony birth certificate and need to play the OBL card, I now included an excellent radio discussion of the details of the certificate forgery.
You you spend your time campaigning for (useless) politicians you consider to be important, or just spend most of it at the slots?
You going apeshit over this sci fi film is pretty funny."Don't tell you you liked this pos, stupid movie and thought it was profound?"
What?
Maybe Google for us and compare and contrast between enjoyment and profundity.
You say that you saw the original, but I guess you didn't get its "great culmination," either.
"Your boy Obama has really screwed things up. On my blog post about his phony birth certificate and need to play the OBL card, I now included an excellent radio discussion of the details of the certificate forgery.
You you spend your time campaigning for (useless) politicians you consider to be important, or just spend most of it at the slots?"
Nothing to with the topic, barry ol' boy.
But......don't tell me you aren't aware of the talking ape experiments they have been doing since the 1930's.
Caesar and Bright Eyes are based on actual genetically engineered apes. There are many blogs that support this. Some think they were even the ones behind the controls of the holographic jetliners and the botched birth certificate forgery.
I think we're just lucky that they stick to making films and not showing up their less literate counterparts in either politcal party!
Edits: 08/26/11
teaching them to "talk", measuring intelligence, helping them to undertake fairly complex human functions, etc..
He was hired, no lie, by a D.O.D. subcontractor a cupla months ago. He had just gotten divorced and has moved to D.C. to do some work he won't even tell his brother about except that it's, "Very, very, important". Ted said Fred is as happy as a little girl in springtime. Wonder what's going on in THAT lab!
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1364810.ece
He used to look like this.
http://www.esquire.com/features/chimpanzee-attack-0409
Edits: 08/27/11
But heck, who knows, even experts can get lulled into a sense of false security.....
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
of man? Curious ahboot that as I'd like to see it. Possibly it was done in Canaduh and just didn't get a distribution deal outside of that province?
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
The maker of the film was also "silenced."
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
Maybe you've been watching too much MTV.
"Lock up when you're done and don't touch the piano."
-Greg House
because this movie is filled with it. Nothing smart in this one.
...I liked Cowboys and Aliens better.
Classic western combined with alien takeover. Bad guy/hero rides off into the sunset at the end.
Hard to get emotionally involved with a motion capture/CGI ape.
.
"Lock up when you're done and don't touch the piano."
-Greg House
I'll have to see it soon. Not sarcasm.
It was not the worst movie of the summer. But it was in the 'bottom 3':
Green Lantern
Cowboys & Aliens
Conan (an easy winner for worst, I'd say)
It was really a soul-less thing. High-concept film-making at it's most shallow.
"Lock up when you're done and don't touch the piano."
-Greg House
...Green Lantern was the worst - I have interest in the new Conan.But I would put Captain America, X-Men and Cowboys and Aliens at the top of my summer action movie list, with Rise of the Apes just below them.
Midnight in Paris and Bridesmaids above them, but no action.
Edits: 08/25/11
ds
...there's a good movie title.
Should have read "I have ZERO interest in the new Conan."
You just saved me 3 hours of my life and a wasted rental. Liked the original, but in a B-movie kind of way. Never understood the crazy following.
nt
;)
that runs amok. If you do see it don't leave or turn it off when the credits start. There's more.
Seriously? This was a study in not so well thought out IMO. Every character arc is just plain ridiculous and cliche. The climax action was a study in ridiculous.
It didn't hold your interest.
It is however perhaps the most highly praised of this summer's movies.
Your opinion is a decided minority. So you don't need to repeat it. We got it.
Not enough 'splosions for you. Don't worry, 'Transformers 3' will be on blu-ray soon.
"Lock up when you're done and don't touch the piano."
-Greg House
> > It didn't hold your interest.> >
It was stupid. My intererst was not an issue. I am quite interested in good scifi. It simply didn't rate.
> > It is however perhaps the most highly praised of this summer's movies.> >
Sad statement really but then again, Bladerunner was a flop in it's day and 2001 was difficult to understand in it's day.... so business as usual. If you set your standards of excellence by the immediate reactions of the masses that is your business. But I don't jump off cliffs just because Johnny did it first. Boy bands were once all the rage with the same dumb masses. No thanks.
> > Your opinion is a decided minority. So you don't need to repeat it. We got it.> >
As a minority voice of reason perhaps I do need to repeat it. Given that you obviously did not get it, clearly I do need to repeat it. And maybe explain it in simple sentences....
> > Not enough 'splosions for you. Don't worry, 'Transformers 3' will be on blu-ray soon.> >
Really? You liked this dumb ass movie and you are trying to play the highbrow card? At least explosions don't demand that we become idiots suspend disbelief. I suppose you would have liked it even better if the apes were smashing through the windows from the sixth and seventh floors and hit the ground running? Perhaps the third and fourth floors weren't high enough? Maybe we should have had three gorillas jumping 200 feet onto spaceships? 75 feet onto a helocpter after taking multiple high gunshot wounds was perhaps to easy for any gorilla that had been living in captivity most of it's life? You buy that level of extreme stupidity and you have the balls to act like this movie went over my head? You saw apes swinging underneath the Goldengate bridge and bought it? LOL not sure how you can be critical of Transformers. It's just as stupid...
powers and intelligence. The jump was hardly 75 ft. By GROSSLY exaggerating, you ruin what little cred your "argument" had. I suppose you hated "Iron Man" because it was unbelievable, too?
So their powers to jump through plate glass exterior windows from the fourth floor and hit the ground running comes from their increased intelligence? Please explain how being smarter gives you super powers.
The jump was "hardly 75 feet?" Seriously? It was probably more. What do you think the wing span is on that helocopter? How far does it have to be from the bridge just to keep from hitting it? It was at least 75 feet AND that gorilla had just been hit by automatic gun fire!
No I did not hate iron man because it was unbelievable. Although it was unbelievable it was a comic book based movie not scifi. Different demands on the accepted premise. different rules. The only thing in this one was a super virus that made them more intelligent. Not sure how that is licence to suspend the laws of physics.
But this is only one of many stupid things they did in this movie. How about this. Guy who handles apes at the research facility loses his mask while they ariate a freaking experimental **VIRUS** (as if they would be in their with just Home Depot style resperators!!!) he immediately blows blood out his nose and shows all kinds of symptoms. Not only do they let him go home and blow blood on other people but they don't even think about it when he doesn't show up to work for two days. REALLY? That is amazingly stupid? I'm not even getting into the arbatrary character arcs.
I worked with one of the actors in this movie about five months ago. This movie did come up. He said it was the dumbest script he had ever read. I had forgotten about that conversation until I saw him up there playing such a sadly cartoony character that was way below him as an artist. But wer all gotta make a living.
The sad thing is none of the stupid stuff in this movie was needed. The apes didn't need super powers, The characters did not need to make arbitrary changes nor did they need to be so cartoony. Had the makers of this movie been willing to do the work they could have made a very good movie. Instead they chose to take an intelectual crap. You want to see smart just see the original version of *this* movie. Yes, it is a remake. The original was Conquest for the Planet of the Apes. Much better movie.
obviously were different from mine: I didn't expect a serious film about drug manufacturing and animal testing. I found the premise interesting enough to drive the resulting picture. I found the center of the picture, the bonding of the scientist and the ape, to be a welcome departure from the average such story. Falco was excellent in making the relationship sincere. THAT is what added something missing from almost all summer fare: a heart. I also found the orangutan and the gorilla "characters" to be developed enough so I cared for them--- yet another departure from the usual 1-dimensional Hollywood characterizations. The story was enough to keep one interested in between the action parts. In other words, it wasn't a non-stop 2 hours of FX with mega-decibel soundtrack concussions.
As far as the originals: they were hokey, boring.
My expectations of any genre movie is that they make specific demands on my suspension of disbelief and then go about making a movie that works as a narative within the bounds of the premise. This movie failed miserably on every level to do so.
> > I didn't expect a serious film about drug manufacturing and animal testing.> >
Neither did I. If I had *any* expectations it was due to this being basically a remake of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.
> > I found the premise interesting enough to drive the resulting picture.> >
The premise was lifted from the original movie of which this is a remake. Nothing wrong with that. but let's give credit where credit is due. But they take a good premise from the original work and then take a big crap on it.
> > I found the center of the picture, the bonding of the scientist and the ape, to be a welcome departure from the average such story.> >
I challenge you to find one Ape based scifi movie that does not indulge in this same basic theme. In this movie they do a pretty half ass job and then completely drop the ball with a forced character arc. I just don't buy the arbitrary arc Cesaer goes through. He is supposed to be extremely inteligent and the change of heart is shallow and lacking in any sort of thoughtfulness. It was forced so they could loosely follow the story line of the original movie. In that movie the arc is well set up and makes perfect sense. But that was actually a very smart movie.
> > Falco was excellent in making the relationship sincere. THAT is what added something missing from almost all summer fare: a heart.> >
It was pretty superficial and poorly thought out.
> > I also found the orangutan and the gorilla "characters" to be developed enough so I cared for them--- yet another departure from the usual 1-dimensional Hollywood characterizations.> >
I thought they fit right into the one dimensional characterizations one finds in crap movies. They were nothing more than cliches with digital fur.
> > The story was enough to keep one interested in between the action parts. In other words, it wasn't a non-stop 2 hours of FX with mega-decibel soundtrack concussions.> >
The story, as told in this version, relied to much on stupid cliches to rise above the formulaic crap that you seem to not like.
> > As far as the originals: they were hokey, boring.> >
They were 100 times smarter than this POS. They actually were filled with extraordinary political and social comentary that great scifi often offers when it is at it's best.
You have to suspend IQ to enjoy a movie unless it is downright insulting which Apes wasn't.
I will not dumb myself down. I will continue to be critical of stupidity in the movies. It actually can be avoided. It just takes intellegence and a willingness to do the work. Clearly that was missing in this movie. Why should I accept it?
I plan on seeing it. The couple of people that I know who have seen it liked
it a lot.
One said that it was far better than the other Apes movies.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
I would say that the first four were far better than this POS including the one that this is a remake of.
barryb seems to be in hiding (black copters and all that) so why don't you tell me about the "original" that showed how the apes became intelligent and the human race was basically obliterated.
IMHO, The first sequel to the original POTAs was OK, the rest sucked, as did the Marky Mark remake of the original POTAs.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
How can you claim a movie sucks and then ask me to tell you the story line of that movie in the same post? If you think Conquest of the Planet of the Apes sucks certainly you must have seen it. If you saw it then certainly you don't need me to tell you about it.
Rise was NOT a remake of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. And I did like Conquest better than Beneath. No doubt (Now that I looked up the chronology at IMBD). You do remember these are 30+ years old do you not, not like I fucking saw em yesterday.
A pox on you and yours!
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
Rise certainly was a remake of Conquest. perhaps if you weren't going from a 30 year old memory you would see that.
artistically. YMOV tho.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
you are sure the new one isn't a remake of it. Kind of reminds me of all the people who protested the Last temptation of Christ. Never mind they didn't see it they knew it was basphomy. Thank you for the uninformed opinions.....
Cool, but for me, personally, if I had a rat's ass, which I don't, I wouldn't give it.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
Edits: 08/27/11
kinda ironic no?
Anal Scott. Have a shitty day.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
Edits: 08/28/11
Not sure how someone who doesn't give a rats ass gets so bent out of shape over a couple of Ape movies he doesn't give a rats ass about? To much cafine? Are you going to go for a seventh post on a subject you don't give a rats ass about? Oh wait, once you were shown to be a fool on the actual subject you tried to make this all about me. Are ya havin a bad day or are you just a dick? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt this time. Since I am about to have such a *nice* day and all....
but sumbuddy couldn't let it rest!BTW, our coffee has caffeine, not sure what cafine is. Please feel free to extend this thread into what will be a death spiral if you feel there is content in this post worth responding to.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
Edits: 08/28/11
.
"I'd like to own a squadron of tanks"
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